I am a truly horrible person. Absolutely terrible. I deserve not. I deserve not.

I thought about it. I keep thinking about it. And the way my mind functions is not right. I deserve not. I am sorry. I am sorry because I am not able. I am sorry because I do not better. I feel bad. I feel very bad. I hope I can do better. I feel awful.

My poor mother, nothing in her life is turning out the way she thought. She is not a bad person, she is an extraordinary one. She has suffered and she deserves better. And I hope I can make it up to her. I must make it up to her, somehow, there must be a way.
I am so sorry.

How do you manage? Asked of us, is much I feel. How do you manage? How do you? I know not.

Around me, are people who are so trivial. Their thoughts are trivial, their hopes are trivial, their dreams are trivial, their goals are trivial. They are trivial. I envy their ignorance.

But I am so terribly ungrateful and I deserve not.

Many things are inside of me but they leave not. Pushing them out does not do. Letting them out does not do. But leave they must! Then what do I do?


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