When you think about it. I mean when you truly sit down to just consider it, it’s something that doesn’t make sense.
We imagine it as something that already exists but that we’re waiting to experience. It’s kind of like a movie. The story’s already there, the scenes have already been lived, and you’re waiting to know what happens.
However, in reality, it’s not like that. It only happens if we happen. If my life ends now, there is nothing for me to experience later. And that’s that.
And if all I’m doing is waiting, then, I’m not taking charge, then I’m not in control, and I’m not even trying to be. By waiting, I am passive, I do not exist, I have no future.
I think, though, that if I stop imagining what will happen and actually try to act in the present in a way that would allow what I want to be a reality, then maybe it can be.
The future is as surreal as the past. They’re things that we never truly experience for they don’t last. Nothing lasts in this world so long as we are encompassed in Time. And when you think about it, none of it makes sense. And it seems that all we do is attempt to reproduce moments during which we felt we were happy, and, if not, attempt to produce them. At the end of the day, it’s what we seek. Happiness. In any form it may take.
And the future? Well, even if it, technically, doesn’t really exist, in itself, it’s as scary as Hell, perhaps because we can never know anything about it.
Some weeks ago, my mom’s friend asked me what I wanted to do in the future, where I wanted to go.
I told her that I wanted to go someplace where I could find myself. I told her of where I thought that might be. She quickly revealed to me that that would not be possible for certain reasons. I replied that in the case what she says be true, then I would still be in search of a place where I could belong. She then said that the solution was to find the people who thought what the same way I did, and that I would then find myself; and be happy.
There’s a problem with that. There’s a big problem with that. If I wish to stay away from those I feel are superficial, or hypocrite, or just plain sad; then I could. I can find those that I will fit in with. And I suppose I would reach satisfaction. But then I’d have my conscience to deal with. Because, well, it only means I would have abandoned those who I deem are ignorant. Why leave someone in ignorance when you can help them know?
I don’t believe that the solution is for each person- or group of people- is to retract themselves in a corner until they are under the impression all is well. I used to believe so. When I was 14, that’s what I thought. However, then I realized that that was not the way to go.
That’s what I replied to my mom’s friend.
She called me an idealist.
Depending on the point of view you take, the angle you use; anything is possible.
How is it that someone thought that planet Earth was not square but in fact round? How is that new theories are first thought of? How is it that Freud developed psychoanalysis? How is that Pavlov, with the help of his dog, deduced notions regarding human reflexes? How is it that Newton, thanks to an apple, figured out that there is such a thing as gravity? How is that the computer was invented?
How is it that science never ceases to break boundaries?
How is it that revolutions begin?
How is that humanity continues to develop?
How is it that we never reach the horizon?
And, how is it, that you will be able to contradict what I have just written?
This is pretty darn cool, and served as a wonderful moral lifter for me today.
And this one, well, just see for yourself.
Today I found out that the woman I thought won the Nobel Peace Prize, is actually a girl. She is 17 years old.
When I learned of her age, I turned to my sister and said to her:
“I’m 17. What have I done?”
What have I done? Not much I guess. I haven’t discovered new laws in physics. I haven’t ended world hunger. I haven’t saved the forests from burning to the ground, I haven’t published anything, I haven’t even graduated from school. All I seem to do is breathe.
But instead of writing down a long list of the unachieved, instead of complaining of what I lack, perhaps I should look at my luck. I am a very lucky person. I was born healthy. From the moment my lungs began to accept air, I was lucky. What did I do to deserve to be healthy?
My father’s job has allowed me to see places I could never have imagined, to meet people I could never have known, and to learn an appreciate things I would otherwise have never understood. My education has played a huge part in my upbringing. And then, there’s my personality. There’s someone inside of me that just comes out, someone that I cannot keep locked up inside. And that person is unique. And one day she will find her way, one day she will find those who understand her and acknowledge her. And she has the power to dream, to look beyond what she sees. She has the luxury to be an Idealist because she need not worry about other things.
She is here, writing this blog. She is coming to life. And she hasn’t actually done anything to deserve it.
She may not have an award, her name may not be in newspapers today. But tomorrow is a new chance to try. Tomorrow is a luxury. My prize is not something I can touch. My prize is sitting in front of me. My prize is my future.
We as people always want more. We always seek what is best. Generally, we seek what is best for ourselves, sometimes without regard for others, and sometimes, in spite of others. We will push past, we will be ruthless. We will ignore all the good that may be instilled inside us, for that one thing we are blinded by.
However, in between those moments above mentioned, we decide to accept our fate, or our luck. We accept what is given and we attempt to seek the light despite the darkness. And somehow it is no longer darkness we see no more. And we begin to settle for less.
Just today, I realized it is what I needed to do.
I need to settle for less. But the problem is that I am an idealist. And in my view, there is a difference between an idealist and a perfectionist. The latter I am not, the latter is controlling and somewhat materialist. The former implies values that one wishes to obtain in an idealogical sense. The former reminds me of Utopia. That ideal world.
Perfection does not exist. But the ideal gives me more hope for it is somehow attainable. And we set it as our goal, because it will be difficult to reach it.
But it is our goal nonetheless for in the end, we will have to settle for less.